The Process of Acceptance
Today my Mom called with some tough news to hear. She told me that my Granny Ruth has had some difficult days and that there is nothing that the doctors can do except "make her comfortable".
As you know, I love my Granny Ruth dearly and feel very blessed that she is a part of my life. I also thought that I had accepted that she was in the process of dying. Both things are true. Today I learned something else. There is a big gap between mentally accepting that someone is going to die and practically accepting what that means...
Practically speaking, that means a hospice level of treatment versus treatments geared toward recovery. It means proactive planning for final arrangements versus hopefulness that the status quo will continue. Finally, it means letting the humanity of a person go so that they can die with dignity and suffer less.
I found myself coaching my Mom in these realities, yet realizing that our heads were far ahead of our hearts in the area of acceptance. The duality of this experience is that you're relieved that your loved one won't continue to suffer, yet you feel guilty that you're relieved!
In the midst of this experience, I also feel sad but not hopeless. As I am sure others have learned, oftentimes, the person dying is more ready for the experience than their loved ones. That's definitely the case for our family. Granny Ruth has been ready for decades. Now, she seems to be the object that God is using to teach me and my family the process of acceptance.
It's working...
posted by A Viewpoint From Victor @ 4:59 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
You know you always want to come up with the perfect thing to say at these times, but I'm just not sure it exists [weak smile]. A couple of years back, 6 people in my life died over the duration of a year and for all that experience, it seems death is even more of a mystery to me, than something I now understand. :-) All I can say is you just hold on for the ride and remember these truths; that you are loved, God is God, and Granny will not only live in heaven, but in the lives of those she has touched. Victor, thanks for letting the rest of us get to know a little of who Granny Ruth was.
These are some verses a friend sent during my 'year': "Acknowledge and take to heart this day that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth below. There is no other." "Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones." "And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."
Victor, I’m a “long time reader, first time poster.” Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I like what you’ve written here. I like what you say about being sad but not hopeless in the face of death and God. Perhaps there is something to that: God is pervasive in suffering and it is just that (God is present) in and of itself that brings the hope amid the time of suffering. Am I talking in circles? Anyway, may God be in you and you in God. Peace brother.
–hans
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